This week our blog is honored to shine the spotlight on recent IDLM graduate, Monica Kumar!
Having lived in the US and Canada but now residing and working in Tulum, Mexico, Monica puts
the “international” into International Doula Life Movement!
With a background in nursing and a strong focus on grief, trauma, and bereavement work,
Monica is passionate about not only building her own doula practice but in finding ways to
educate others and spread the death positive movement. We are so proud to have Monica as a
member of our IDLM community. Here is her story in her own words.
What first brought you to end of life work?
My journey was shaped by both my professional background and personal experiences. As a
former nurse (BScN), I worked in Emergency, addiction, HIV/AIDS care, medicine, and
Indigenous health across urban, rural, and community settings. I saw firsthand how the medical
system prioritizes extending life at all costs yet fails to equip those making life-and-death
decisions with the skills to help people to prepare for or accept death.
The scariest thing I ever heard from a physician colleague was, “As a doctor, it is very hard to let
someone die.” In medicine, death is seen as a failure—something to fight against at all costs,
rather than recognizing when it’s time to support it with honesty, creating space for peace and
meaning. There comes a point when the most compassionate act is not to force life but to allow
for a peaceful, dignified death. Medicine is terrible at that.
I was still a nurse when I lost my mother and brother within months of each other. But it wasn’t my medical training that prepared me—it was my mother, the lessons life had already given me, and my own spiritual journey. She had a good death—a death we would all wish for, though it came too soon. That experience reinforced what I already believed: the medical system undervalues quality of life. The conflict with my values became impossible to ignore.
I came to this work to be part of a cultural shift—one that restores death as sacred and prepares us to face it with intention, not fear. Where we don’t just hope for a good death but create the conditions for one. Where we are better equipped—not just to face death, but to navigate grief in a way that allows space for joy, meaning, and continued connection.
How did you find IDLM? What made you decide it was the right place for you?
Oh my gosh, I looked at so many programs, comparing their depth and approach, and IDLM stood out as the most thorough by far. I had a brief conversation with Anna and her passion was undeniable. And then of course, Pam, need I say more.
What truly set IDLM apart was its recognition that end-of-life work is complex. It’s not just a few months and bam—you’re a doula. There are so many layers to this work, and it felt irresponsible for other programs to offer just one short course. IDLM doesn’t do that. Their multiple courses complement each other, providing a well-rounded foundation that really prepares you for this field.
Please share something you have learned through IDLM or doula work that has meaning for you.
One of the most meaningful things I’ve learned through IDLM is that preparing for, talking about, and planning for death is really about life and living—not just about the end of life, and not just for the end of life.
Before my training, I understood the importance of planning, but IDLM helped me see it in a new way. Preparing and having these conversations isn’t just about planning for the end of life—it’s about making choices that honor how we want to live all the way through. That message has shaped how I approach this work —it’s woven into everything I do.
No matter where you are in your end of life work journey, there will always be those who are still behind you. What advice would you give to them as they move forward on this chosen path?
Before I took the doula course, I spent a year going back and forth, wondering if it was the right decision. One day, I was talking to a friend about it, wondering how this would work as a business. She saw I was jumping way ahead and said, “The path won’t open until you do, take the first steps. Take the course.”
She was right. That lesson still applies—not just to taking the course but to the entire process of figuring out how to use this knowledge in a meaningful way.
If you feel called to this work, don’t doubt yourself—it came from your heart for a reason. Your role in this space may not look the way you first imagined, but that doesn’t make it any less important. Don’t wait to have it all figured out. Try things, have conversations, and explore different aspects of the work.
The right direction will become clearer as you move forward. The work you are meant to do won’t reveal itself before you start—but because you start.
Since IDLM
Since graduating from IDLM in August, I’ve focused on bringing this work to those who need it most. Living in Tulum, far from my largest network in the U.S. and Canada, I realized an online business was the best way to make an impact.
So, I worked with online business coaches (because, of course, I’m no expert) and created The Complete End of Life Care Solution—a step-by-step program helping adult children of aging parents build a comprehensive end-of-life plan, including caregiving planning, which is so often overlooked. I’m now preparing for the beta launch while growing my online community.
Amidst all this, I experienced another deep loss—my fur baby, Dixon. As I navigated this new grief, I saw how much I leaned on what I had learned from losing my mother and brother. Feeling the need to channel my pain into something meaningful—for myself and maybe for others—I sat down and started writing. And I didn’t stop.
And so, an ebook, Beyond Loss: The Power of Purposeful Grief was born—from the deep understanding my grief journeys have given me: that grief doesn’t just have to be endured. It can be carried with power, purpose, and even joy. Now, I’m working with an editor to refine it into a true guide for others navigating loss.
This work continues to evolve, and so do I. My focus now is on sharing these resources, growing my community, and helping more people feel prepared—not just for death, but for the life they want to live until that moment comes.
